It’s common for those who are grieving to find attending church difficult. So it’s certainly understandable that you would find aspects of church life very challenging right now. But let me also encourage you not to give up on attending church in person.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one. I completely understand how you feel and absolutely know what it feels like myself to feel dismissed in my moment of pain by what others say and share.

When a child falls off a bike, she doesn’t need her father to explain the physics of why it happened. No. The child simply wants comfort. We don’t need explanations, most of which we wouldn’t understand anyway. We need “God, who comforts the downcast” (2 Corinthians 7:6). 

Clarrisa Moll, author of Beyond the Darkness, shares five tips for the holiday season for those who are grieving. She writes, “There is a joy to this season that death, trial, and suffering can never take away.” So true. Because of Jesus, we have a rock-solid hope. I believe that more than ever since Nanci entered His presence!

I know that it can feel like other couples and families are too busy for you, but you really need to be with people right now. I encourage you to fight through the feelings that your Christian friends have their own lives. This is what the Christian community is supposed to do for each other.

Singer and songwriter Dallas Holm recorded a podcast episode with his daughter on the subject of my book Heaven. He has an unusually acute understanding of the book—his comments about Christoplatonism display an awareness that is not common, but right on target.

In the journey of grief, we are not alone—one of the names of Jesus is Immanuel, which means “God with us.” Jesus is my closest and dearest friend. I can’t imagine life without Him.

We do want to be very careful to keep the focus on Jesus, and remember that He is the only Mediator we need. (Seeking contact with the dead is clearly forbidden in Scripture.)

We who are grieving need to hear these words: “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16, 18).