作者：Randy Alcorn
在我亲爱的妻子南希与癌症抗争的四年多里，我们收到许多好消息和坏消息。在她接受三次手术、三次放射治疗和三次化疗的过程中，我们的心情如同坐过山车般起伏不定。
我清楚记得医生说癌症已经是第四期且扩散到她肺部的那一天。那天晚上我们一起祷告后，
我下楼跪在沙发旁，双手捂脸，哭了起来。我向神倾心吐意，求他介入。我按着彼得前书 5:7所告诉我们的去行：“你们要把一切忧虑卸给神，因为他顾念你们”。
突然，我感觉到身旁有一种同在。我睁开眼睛，只见我们的金毛猎犬玛吉将前爪放在我的手边。它用怜爱的眼神看着我，舔去我的泪水，然后发出了一声大声的哀鸣，那是它从未发出过，
之后也再没有过的声音。我只能用呻吟来形容它。这让我大为吃惊。
我立刻想到了罗马书第8章，经文告诉我们说我们在痛苦叹息，所有受造之物也在痛苦叹息，
而神的灵也在用不可言喻的叹息替我们代求。我意识到，我们三者，即我们的神、我自己，以及我们的狗，一同在为我们所爱的南希叹息。接着我就哭得更厉害，但这次却从我的两个同伴那找到极大的安慰。
赐各样安慰的神
一年之后，当南希咽下她的最后一口气时，我就在她身旁。我深感悲痛，但也为能够成为她的丈夫，陪伴她走到生命尽头而倍感荣幸。自从她两年前多回天家后，她的缺席显而易见。我想念她过去常常发给我的短信，关于狗、橄榄球，以及司布真、詹姆斯·巴刻等人的名言信息。我想念她的声音和她的笑声，那总是那么地爽朗和有感染力。
哀伤是煎熬的。然而，神却一直在我的生命中施恩，安慰我，让我在没有她的日子里继续前行。（能够再次与她在耶稣面前相聚的盼望也给我莫大的帮助！）大卫在诗篇16:8中说：“我将耶和华常摆在我面前，因他在我右边，我便不致摇动。”将神摆在面前，就是认识到他的同在和持续的帮助。
当小孩从自行车上摔下来时，她并不需要她的爸爸说：“亲爱的，事情是这样的一一这是因为你的速度和自行车的重量的缘故，那个急转弯让你失去了平衡……”不，小孩只想得到安慰。我们不需要解释，况且大多数解释我们也无法理解。我们需要的是“那安慰丧气之人的神”（哥林多后书 7:6）。成千上万的人，包括我，都证实他在他们最黑暗的时刻所带来的安慰。“……因为你耶和华帮助我，安慰我”（诗篇 86:17）。
Joni Eareckson Tada 和 Steve Estes在《When God Weeps》中写道：
神就像是位父亲，不单是给忠告，他也将自己摆上。他成为悲伤寡妇的丈夫（以赛亚书 54:5）。他成为不孕妇人的安慰者（以赛亚书 54:1）。他成为孤儿的父（诗篇 10:14）。
他成为单身者的新郎（以赛亚书62:5）。他是病人的医治者（出埃及记15:26）。他是困惑者和忧郁者的奇妙策士（以赛亚书9:6）。
保罗说：“……赐各样安慰的神！我们在一切患难中，他就安慰我们，叫我们能用神所赐的安慰去安慰那遭各样患难的人”（哥林多后书1:3–4）。很多时候，当我们在悲伤的时候，我们所想的就只会是领受安慰，而不是给予安慰。有时在悲伤的时候我们需要专注于接受安慰。然而，当神安慰我们，我们就也能够用相同的安慰去安慰别人。
在神透过他圣灵的服侍直接向我们倾倒安慰的同时，他也喜欢使用其他人来安慰我们。我就曾从我的朋友和家人身上经历到这些。在神的家中无论是给予或接收安慰都是极大的喜乐。成为神的器皿是一种满足，同时也是安慰的来源。
耶稣的友谊
耶稣说：“以后我不再称你们为仆人……我乃称你们为朋友……”（约翰福音15:15）。这令人震惊的真理每天都深深地安慰着我。自我青少年时期认识耶稣以来，我就和他成了朋友；可是当我第二位挚友南希离开我之后，我才真正感受到这点。尽管其他友谊都有所帮助，但对我而言，没有什么比跟耶稣的友谊来得更重要。每一天都是如此。
我现在与他的亲密是过去不曾有的。我告诉自己说，南希如今是和我们最好的朋友在一起。而我每一天也都在经历和感受到他的同在。南希走了，但我们都没有失去我们最好的朋友。他依旧跟我们在一起，就算我们还没有团聚。
对许多基督徒来说，耶稣确实是也渴望要成为我们的朋友，这是一个革命性的概念。确实，我们绝不应该否认或轻视我们是神仆人这一事实，而那本身也是个崇高的呼召。不过，我们同时也应该肯定自己是他的儿女和朋友这一奇妙的事实。神可以且确实地爱他的仆人，但他肯定全心全意地爱着他的儿女和朋友。而且他的心意也是要为我们做到最好，就算那最好的可能跟我们已经选择的有些不同。
德怀特·莱曼·穆迪说：“多年来我一直奉行的一个原则，就是把主耶稣基督视为个人的朋友。
我们所拥有的他不是一种信条，一种教义，而是他自己。”
在我们悲伤的时候，我们会发现悲伤本身就像是个伙伴；但我们最大的伙伴和最亲密的朋友是耶稣。他曾说：“我总不撇下你，也不丢弃你”（希伯来书 13:5）。耶稣是我们的导师和挚友，同时也是救主和生命的主。我们与他的关系会随着我们花时间与他相处一一与他交谈和聆听他，而增长。正如奥斯瓦尔德·章伯斯所写的那样：“与耶稣基督相比，世上最亲密的朋友也不过是影儿。”
我们将得见他的面
苦难和泪水都是真实而深刻的，但对神的儿女来说，那些都只是暂时的。悲伤总有一天会结束。永远。永恒的喜乐即将到来。耶稣，我们永远的朋友，“要擦去他们一切的眼泪，不再有死亡，
也不再有悲哀、哭号、疼痛，因为以前的事都过去了。”（启示录 21:4）这是耶稣用他宝血所赐的应许。
与此同时，当我们内心痛苦的时候，让我们转向耶稣一一我们安慰和平安最大的源头。“这话将我救活了，我在患难中因此得安慰”（诗篇 119:50）。
The Comfort and Friendship of Jesus in Our Grief
Over the four-plus years my beloved wife Nanci faced cancer, there were many good reports and many bad ones. We rode a roller coaster of emotions throughout her three surgeries, three rounds of radiation, and three rounds of chemo.
I vividly remember the day when the doctor said it was now stage-four cancer that had spread to her lungs. That night we prayed together, and then I went downstairs, got on my knees by the couch, buried my face in my hands, and wept. I poured out my heart to God, begging Him to intervene. I did what 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to do: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (NIV).
Suddenly I felt a presence beside me. I opened my eyes and saw our Golden Retriever Maggie’s front paws next to my hands. She gave me a look of loving concern, licked my tears, and then made a loud mournful sound she had never made before and never did after. I can only describe it as a groan. It startled me.
I thought immediately of Romans 8 which tells us that we groan, the whole creation groans, and God’s Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. I realized that three of us were groaning together for Nanci, who we all loved—our God, myself, and our dog. And then I wept more, this time finding great comfort in both my companions.
The God of All Comfort
A year later, I was there when Nanci took her last breath. I felt profoundly sad, yet so privileged to have been her husband and to be there till death did us part. In the over two years now since she relocated to Heaven, her absence has been palpable. I miss her frequent texts about dogs and football and great quotes from Charles Spurgeon and J. I. Packer and others. I miss the sound of her voice and her laughter, always so loud and contagious.
The grief has been difficult. Yet God has been doing a work of grace in my life, bringing me comfort that allows me to go forward without her. (This is greatly helped by the anticipation of one day being with her again in the presence of Jesus!) In Psalm 16:8 David says, “I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” To set God before me is to recognize His presence and constant help.
When a child falls off a bike, she doesn’t need her father to say, “Sweetheart, here’s why it happened—given your speed and the weight of this bike, it couldn’t tolerate that sharp turn and…” No. The child simply wants comfort. We don’t need explanations, most of which we wouldn’t understand anyway. We need “God, who comforts the downcast” (2 Corinthians 7:6). Millions of people, including me, attest to the comfort He has brought them in their darkest hours. “…you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me” (Psalm 86:17).
Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes write in When God Weeps,
God, like a father, doesn’t just give advice. He gives himself. He becomes the husband to the grieving widow (Isaiah 54:5). He becomes the comforter to the barren woman (Isaiah 54:1). He becomes the father of the orphaned (Psalm 10:14). He becomes the bridegroom to the single person (Isaiah 62:5). He is the healer to the sick (Exodus 15:26). He is the wonderful counselor to the confused and depressed (Isaiah 9:6).
Paul says, “[The] God of all comfort... comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). Often when we are grieving, we think only of receiving comfort, not giving it. There are times in grief when receiving needs to be our sole focus. But when God comforts us, we are enabled to also use that same comfort to console others.
While He pours out His comfort to us directly by a ministry of His Holy Spirit, God is also fond of using other people to comfort us. I have experienced this through my friends and family members. There is great pleasure in both giving and receiving comfort in God’s family. It’s fulfilling to be His instrument, and that’s a source of comfort as well.
The Friendship of Jesus
Jesus says, “No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends” (John 15:15). This stunning truth has become a deep daily comfort to me. Ever since I came to know Jesus as a teenager, I’ve had a friendship with Him; but it really hit home when my second best friend, Nanci, was no longer here for me. While other friendships have helped, nothing has meant more to me than the friendship of Jesus. It still does. Every day.
I have never felt closer to Him than I do now. I tell myself that Nanci now lives with her best friend and mine. And I am experiencing and sensing His presence with me every day. At her death, neither of us lost our best friend. He is still with both of us, even though we are not yet reunited.
That Jesus truly is and wants to be our friend is a revolutionary concept to many Christians. True, we should never deny or minimize the fact that we are God’s servants, and that itself is a high calling. But we should simultaneously affirm the wondrous fact that we are His children and friends. God can and does love His servants, but He certainly loves wholeheartedly His children and His friends. And He intends to do His best for us, even when that best takes a different form than we might have chosen.
Dwight L. Moody said, “A rule I have had for years is to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.”
As we grieve, we find that grief itself is a companion; but our greater companion and closest friend is Jesus. He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus is our mentor and best friend, as well as Savior and Lord. Our relationship with Him grows as we spend time with Him—talking and listening to Him. As Oswald Chambers wrote, “The dearest friend on earth is a mere shadow compared to Jesus Christ.”
We Will Behold His Face
Suffering and weeping are real and profound, but for God’s children, they are temporary. One day, grief will end. Forever. Eternal joy is on its way. Jesus, our forever friend, “will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain.” This is the blood-bought promise of Jesus.
In the meantime, when our hearts ache, let’s turn to Jesus, our greatest source of comfort and peace. “This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life” (Psalm 119:50).
Photo: Unsplash
