Deur Randy Alcorn

Gedurende die meer as vier jaar waartydens my geliefde vrou Nanci kanker in die gesig gestaar het, was daar baie goeie verslae en baie slegtes. Ons het ’n mallemeule van emosies beleef dwarsdeur haar drie operasies, drie rondtes bestraling en drie rondtes chemo.

Ek onthou nog baie goed toe die dokter die dag gesê het dat dit nou stadium-vier kanker was wat na haar longe versprei het. Daardie aand het ons saam gebid, en ek het toe na onder gegaan, by die bank gaan kniel, my gesig in my hande toegemaak, en gehuil. Ek het my hart leeggemaak voor God en Hom gesmeek om in te tree. Ek het gedoen wat 1 Petrus 5:7 vir ons sê om te doen: “deur al julle bekommernis op Hom te werp; want Hy gee om vir julle” (2020).

Skielik het ek ’n teenwoordigheid langs my gevoel. Ek het my oë oopgemaak en ons golden retriever, Maggie, se voorpote langs my hande gesien. Sy het liefdevol en bekommerd na my gekyk, my trane gelek, en toe ’n harde, weemoedige geluid gemaak wat sy nog nooit vantevore en nooit daarna gemaak het nie. Ek kan dit net as ’n suggeluid beskryf. Dit het my verras.

Ek het dadelik gedink aan Romeine 8 wat ons vertel dat as ons sug, sug die hele skepping, en God se Gees tree vir ons in met versugtinge wat te diep is vir woorde. Ek het besef dat die drie van ons saam gesug het oor Nanci, vir wie ons almal lief was – ons God, ek, en ons hond. En toe het ek meer gehuil, maar hierdie keer het ek groot troos gevind by altwee my kamerade.

Die God van Alle Troos

’n Jaar later was ek daar toe Nanci haar laaste asem uitgeblaas het. Ek het diep hartseer gevoel, en tog so bevoorreg om haar man te kon wees tot die dood ons skei. In die meer as twee jaar sedert sy na die hemel verhuis het, is haar afwesigheid tasbaar. Ek mis haar gereelde teksboodskappe oor honde en sokker en wonderlike aanhalings van Charles Spurgeon en J.I. Packer en ander. Ek mis die klank van haar stem en haar lag, altyd so hard en aansteeklik.

Die rou was moeilik. Tog het God ’n genadewerk in my lewe gedoen, wat vir my troos gebring het en my toegelaat het om sonder haar aan te gaan. (Dit word grootliks bevorder deur die verwagting dat ons eendag weer sal saamwees in die teenwoordigheid van Jesus!) In Psalm 16: 8 sê Dawid, “Ek hou die Here altyd voor oë; omdat Hy aan my regterkant is, sal ek nie struikel nie.” Om God voor my te stel is om sy teenwoordigheid en konstante hulp te herken.

Wanneer ’n kind van ’n fiets afval, is dit nie nodig dat haar pa moet sê, “Liefie, dis hoekom dit gebeur het nie – gegewe die spoed en die gewig van hierdie fiets, kon dit nie daardie skerp draai hanteer nie en...” Nee. Die kind wil net getroos word. Ons het nie verduidelikings nodig nie, waarvan ons in elk geval die meeste nie sal verstaan nie. Ons benodig “God, wat die neerslagtiges bemoedig...” (2 Korintiërs 7:6). Miljoene mense, insluitend ek, getuig van die troos wat Hy aan hulle in die donkerste ure gebring het. “...U, Here, het my immers gehelp en getroos” (Psalm 86:17).

Joni Eareckson Tada en Steve Estes skryf in When God Weeps,

dat God, soos ’n vader, nie net raad gee nie. Hy gee Homself. Hy word die man van die weduwee wat rou (Jesaja 54:5). Hy word die trooster van die onvrugbare vrou (Jesaja 54:1). Hy word die vader van die weeskinders (Psalm 10:14). Hy word die bruidegom van die enkel persoon (Jesaja 62:5). Hy is die heler van die sieke (Eksodus 15:26). Hy is die wonderbare raadgewer vir die verwarde en neerslagtige (Jesaja 9:6).

Paulus sê, “Lofwaardig is die God en Vader van ons Here Jesus Christus, die Vader van barmhartigheid en God van alle bemoediging! Hy bemoedig ons in al ons verdrukkings, sodat ons hulle wat in allerhande verdrukkings verkeer, kan bemoedig met die bemoediging waarmee ons self deur God bemoedig word” (2 Korintiërs 1:3-4). Dikwels wanneer ons rou, dink ons slegs daaraan om troos te ontvang, en nie om dit te gee nie. Daar is tye van rou wanneer ons enigste fokus moet wees om te ontvang. Maar wanneer God ons troos, word ons in staat gestel om ook daardie selfde troos te gebruik om ander te vertroos.

Terwyl Hy sy troos direk aan ons uitstort deur die bediening van sy Heilige Gees, is God ook lief daarvoor om ander mense te gebruik om ons te troos. Ek het dit ondervind deur my vriende en familielede. Daar is groot bevrediging in die gee sowel as die ontvang van troos in God se familie. Dit is vervullend om sy instrument te wees, en dit is ook ’n bron van troos.

Die Vriendskap van Jesus

Jesus sê, “Ek noem julle nie meer slawe nie, omdat 'n slaaf nie weet wat sy eienaar doen nie. Ek het julle egter vriende genoem, omdat Ek alles wat Ek by my Vader gehoor het, aan julle bekend gemaak het” (Johannes 15:15). Hierdie verstommende waarheid het ’n groot bron van daaglikse troos vir my geword. Vandat ek Jesus as ’n tiener leer ken het, het ek ’n vriendskap met Hom gehad; maar dit het eers werklik tot my deurgedring toe my tweede beste vriendin, Nanci, nie langer hier was vir my nie. Hoewel ander vriendskappe gehelp het, het niks meer vir my beteken as die vriendskap van Jesus nie. Dit is steeds so. Elke dag.

Ek het nog nooit nader aan Hom gevoel as wat ek nou voel nie. Ek sê vir myself dat Nanci nou by haar en my beste vriend woon. En ek ervaar en voel sy teenwoordigheid elke dag. Met haar dood, het nie een van ons ons beste vriend verloor nie. Hy is steeds by beide van ons, selfs al is ons nog nie herenig nie.

Dat Jesus werklik ons vriend is en wil wees is vir baie Christene ’n revolusionêre konsep. Dis waar dat ons nooit die feit kan ontken of verklein dat ons God se dienaars is nie, en dit op sigself is ’n hoë roeping. Maar ons moet terselfdertyd die wonderbaarlike feit bevestig dat ons sy kinders en vriende is. God kan en is lief vir sy dienaars, maar Hy is werklik heelhartig lief vir al sy kinders en sy vriende. En Hy is van plan om sy beste vir ons te doen, selfs al neem daardie beste ’n ander vorm aan van wat ons sou kies.

Dwight L. Moody het gesê, “’n Reël wat ek vir jare al het, is om die Here Jesus Christus soos ’n persoonlike vriend te behandel. Hy is nie slegs ’n geloof, net ’n doktrine nie, maar dit is Hyself wat ons het.”

Terwyl ons rou, vind ons dat smart op sigself ’n kameraad is; maar ons groter kameraad en naaste vriend is Jesus. Hy het gesê, “Julle leefwyse moet vry wees van geldgierigheid. Wees tevrede met wat julle het, want Hy het gesê, 'Ek sal jou beslis nie verlaat nie, en ook nie in die steek laat nie'” (Hebreërs 13:5). Jesus is ons mentor en beste vriend, sowel as ons Redder en Here. Ons verhouding met Hom groei terwyl ons tyd met Hom deurbring – deur met Hom te praat en na Hom te luister. Soos Oswald Chambers geskryf het, “Die dierbaarste vriend is slegs ’n skaduwee in vergelyking met Jesus Christus.”

Ons Sal Sy Gesig Voor Oë Hou

Lyding en trane is werklik en diep, maar vir God se kinders is dit tydelik. Eendag sal smart ophou. Vir ewig. Ewige vreugde is op pad. Jesus, is ons ewige vriend, “Hy sal elke traan uit hulle oë afdroog. En die dood sal nie meer daar wees nie; ook nie rou of ’n gehuil of pyn sal meer bestaan nie; want die eerste dinge het verbygegaan.” (Openbaring 21:4) Dit is die met bloedgekoopte belofte van Jesus.

Intussen, wanneer ons harte pyn, kom ons draai na Jesus, ons grootste bron van troos en vrede. “Dit is my vertroosting in my ellende, dat u belofte my lewend hou” (Psalm 119:50).

The Comfort and Friendship of Jesus in Our Grief

Over the four-plus years my beloved wife Nanci faced cancer, there were many good reports and many bad ones. We rode a roller coaster of emotions throughout her three surgeries, three rounds of radiation, and three rounds of chemo.

I vividly remember the day when the doctor said it was now stage-four cancer that had spread to her lungs. That night we prayed together, and then I went downstairs, got on my knees by the couch, buried my face in my hands, and wept. I poured out my heart to God, begging Him to intervene. I  did what 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to do: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (NIV).

Suddenly I felt a presence beside me. I opened my eyes and saw our Golden Retriever Maggie’s front paws next to my hands. She gave me a look of loving concern, licked my tears, and then made a loud mournful sound she had never made before and never did after. I can only describe it as a groan. It startled me.

I thought immediately of Romans 8 which tells us that we groan, the whole creation groans, and God’s Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. I realized that three of us were groaning together for Nanci, who we all loved—our God, myself, and our dog. And then I wept more, this time finding great comfort in both my companions.

The God of All Comfort

A year later, I was there when Nanci took her last breath. I felt profoundly sad, yet so privileged to have been her husband and to be there till death did us part. In the over two years now since she relocated to Heaven, her absence has been palpable. I miss her frequent texts about dogs and football and great quotes from Charles Spurgeon and J. I. Packer and others. I miss the sound of her voice and her laughter, always so loud and contagious.

The grief has been difficult. Yet God has been doing a work of grace in my life, bringing me comfort that allows me to go forward without her. (This is greatly helped by the anticipation of one day being with her again in the presence of Jesus!) In Psalm 16:8 David says, “I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” To set God before me is to recognize His presence and constant help.

When a child falls off a bike, she doesn’t need her father to say, “Sweetheart, here’s why it happened—given your speed and the weight of this bike, it couldn’t tolerate that sharp turn and…” No. The child simply wants comfort. We don’t need explanations, most of which we wouldn’t understand anyway. We need “God, who comforts the downcast” (2 Corinthians 7:6). Millions of people, including me, attest to the comfort He has brought them in their darkest hours. “…you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me” (Psalm 86:17).

Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes write in When God Weeps,

God, like a father, doesn’t just give advice. He gives himself. He becomes the husband to the grieving widow (Isaiah 54:5). He becomes the comforter to the barren woman (Isaiah 54:1). He becomes the father of the orphaned (Psalm 10:14). He becomes the bridegroom to the single person (Isaiah 62:5). He is the healer to the sick (Exodus 15:26). He is the wonderful counselor to the confused and depressed (Isaiah 9:6).

Paul says, “[The] God of all comfort... comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). Often when we are grieving, we think only of receiving comfort, not giving it. There are times in grief when receiving needs to be our sole focus. But when God comforts us, we are enabled to also use that same comfort to console others.

While He pours out His comfort to us directly by a ministry of His Holy Spirit, God is also fond of using other people to comfort us. I have experienced this through my friends and family members. There is great pleasure in both giving and receiving comfort in God’s family. It’s fulfilling to be His instrument, and that’s a source of comfort as well.

The Friendship of Jesus

Jesus says, “No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends” (John 15:15). This stunning truth has become a deep daily comfort to me. Ever since I came to know Jesus as a teenager, I’ve had a friendship with Him; but it really hit home when my second best friend, Nanci, was no longer here for me. While other friendships have helped, nothing has meant more to me than the friendship of Jesus. It still does. Every day.  

I have never felt closer to Him than I do now. I tell myself that Nanci now lives  with her best friend and mine. And I am experiencing and sensing His presence with me every day. At her death, neither of us lost our best friend. He is still with both of us, even though we are not yet reunited.

That Jesus truly is and wants to be our friend is a revolutionary concept to many Christians. True, we should never deny or minimize the fact that we are God’s servants, and that itself is a high calling. But we should simultaneously affirm the wondrous fact that we are His children and friends. God can and does love His servants, but He certainly loves wholeheartedly His children and His friends. And He intends to do His best for us, even when that best takes a different form than we might have chosen.   

Dwight L. Moody said, “A rule I have had for years is to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.”

As we grieve, we find that grief itself is a companion; but our greater companion and closest friend is Jesus. He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus is our mentor and best friend, as well as Savior and Lord. Our relationship with Him grows as we spend time with Him—talking and listening to Him. As Oswald Chambers wrote, “The dearest friend on earth is a mere shadow compared to Jesus Christ.”

We Will Behold His Face

Suffering and weeping are real and profound, but for God’s children, they are temporary. One day, grief will end. Forever. Eternal joy is on its way. Jesus, our forever friend, “will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain.” This is the blood-bought promise of Jesus.

In the meantime, when our hearts ache, let’s turn to Jesus, our greatest source of comfort and peace. “This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life” (Psalm 119:50).

Photo: Unsplash