Question from a reader:
My guy friend is not a Christian. He has said that we have a spiritual connection. I met him several years ago; we are not involved physically, but I do love him, and he is a very nice man. We are both retired.
I’m part of a Bible-believing church, but he’s not wanting to be part of my “faith activities.” I don’t think that’s possible, since my spirit has been born again. I want to explain he has a "soul" connection with me, but how can I explain the difference in a way that will make sense to an unbeliever?
Answer from Eternal Perspective Ministries:
Our hearts go out to you because God made us to need people and friendship at every stage of life.
But in love, we want to offer truth related to this relationship based on what you’ve shared. Though you’ve set physical boundaries in your relationship, and it sounds like marriage is not something you would pursue with him because he is not a believer, it also sounds like both of your hearts have become very involved in this relationship, and that it is more than just a casual friendship. That is indicated by you saying you have deep feelings for him and by what he is saying when he tells you he feels you two have a spiritual connection. (Though we understand what you’re asking, the spirit/soul discussion is secondary; there is debate among theologians whether there is a difference between them and if people have three parts or two. Regardless of the debate, those words in Scripture are used to refer to the immaterial part of our existence, including our hearts and emotions.)
Because of this, we would encourage you to end this relationship based on 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
Randy writes about this verse, “Don’t enter into any relationship that could compromise your convictions. The closer the relationship the greater the danger. The longer you allow a relationship to go on with a nonbeliever, the more cloudy your judgment will become and the more likely you will commit immorality and turn your back on the Lord in other ways. Convictions waver when we place ourselves in the realm of temptation.”
As a born-again believer, you are playing with major temptation by being in this relationship with him, and it is not fair to him because you can never truly offer him what he desires (a deeper relationship and that true spiritual connection that can only come when two people know Jesus). Since he does not know Christ, the “spiritual” connection he feels isn’t from the Lord. That is a big red flag.
Ray Stedman writes about being unequally yoked,
“Not all associations are yokes, but yokes have two characteristics by which we can always identify them. The first one is that a yoke is not easily broken. It is a kind of permanent relationship. When you yoke two animals together they are bound together; they do not have any choice. Uncomfortable as it may be, they must do things together. The second mark of a yoke is that it constrains someone; it does not permit independent action. There is something that forces you to comply with what the other one wants to do, whether you like it or not. Any kind of relationship that does not permit a believer to follow his or her Lord in all things is a yoke. Even a friendship can be a yoke. If it is the kind of possessive friendship in which you feel you cannot do what God wants you to do because you will offend your friend, then that is a yoke, and it must be broken.”
Obviously, this won’t be easy, but we do believe the Lord will honor your decision to hold fast to your convictions and your desire to honor Him. This is also a big opportunity for you to explain to your guy friend why your relationship to Jesus matters so much to you. Perhaps that is something that God can use in his life to help him understand why knowing Jesus is so important. Of course, he is in God’s hands, and it has to be the work of the Holy Spirit in his life to bring him to repentance (2 Peter 3:9).
In Luke 14:26, Jesus says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” Jesus isn’t telling us to literally hate those we care about (clearly human relationships are designed by God, and we are to care for our families), but that our love for and devotion to Jesus are to be so strong that all other loves pale in comparison.
Scripture says if we love God, we will obey His commandments. God is giving you an opportunity to prove your love and commitment to Him by being obedient to His word (John 14:15).
We can pray for God to open your guy friend’s eyes, that He grant him repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth (2 Timothy 2:25). This will not be an easy step for you related to your relationship, but one that we believe God will honor and bless you for as you are obedient to His Word.
