Our ministry sometimes hears from those who are grieving and feel completely hopeless and purposeless in life. There’s no doubt that grieving a loved one’s death is a long, often lonely, always painful process. But I encourage those of you who might feel you now have no purpose: don’t throw away the calling God has for you to serve Him here until your time is done and He takes you home.

(Let me preface this blog by saying: if you have even fleeting thoughts of suicide, reach out right away for biblical perspective and counseling. Go to your friends and your pastor. Make an appointment with your physician. Rely on the Holy Spirit and the body of Christ, the local church. Contact www.christiansncrisis.com, https://samaritanshope.org, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text 741741 for crisis texting.)

I have advised friends who are struggling with feeling depressed to take a break from reading Christian books that are duty-driven, as the “do more” approach can lay unnecessary guilt on those who are vulnerable. Of course, books that are convicting and more demanding are exactly what some readers need! But not what the person already feeling hopeless needs. Start by reading books on God’s character such as A. W. Tozer's The Knowledge of the Holy and Dane Ortlund's Gentle and Lowly. I also recommend these three books on grace, each different than the other: Phil Yancey’s What’s So Amazing About Grace?, Max Lucado’s Grace: More Than We Deserve, Greater Than We Imagine, and Chuck Swindoll’s The Grace Awakening. (Check out this list of podcasts and books for more recommendations.)

Take walks where you can look at God's creation. Two of the Great Physician’s effective therapeutic treatments are sun and fresh air. Make time outdoors part of your daily plan. It could be working in the garden or a daily walk, but either way, get out and do something. It doesn’t have to be a cloudless day to benefit from sunlight or fresh air.

Whether or not you’ve ever had a pet, especially if you live alone, I highly recommend you consider getting one. If you want to try one out, ask to borrow a friend’s dog for a week and see what you think. They’re not for everyone, but for many people, their very best grief therapy can be found in a pet.  You do not have to be an animal lover. (But beware, because soon you likely will be.)

If you have a dog or cat or some pet to take care of, you will have a productive purpose, even if it’s on a small scale. I know that since Nanci went home to Jesus almost three years ago now, my little dog Gracie has been an incredible comfort and encouragement to me. She causes me to laugh and keeps me active.

In order to break out of that hopelessness, you need to make some changes to your life. Talk to your pastor, talk to a good Christian counselor, go to a grief recovery group. And seriously, look at getting a pet to be your companion and for you to take care of. God is not done with you yet. He has a purpose for you still being in this world. You need to look for that purpose, you need to find that purpose, and you need to hang on and change your routines to make them healthier, and God will bless you if you do that.

Don’t think just in terms of your own preferences; think of God’s calling to you and the purpose He still has for you even if you can’t see it. Get more involved in church, in a Bible study or in a small group. The small group of men that I’m in is an important part of my weekly routine.

Ask friends and family what they think your gifts and strengths are and how God might use you in ministry to others. When you have lost your sense of identity and hope, it’s a great time to ask yourself, “Who am I now?” God knows. Ask Him. (See also Rediscovering Your God-Given Identity after Loss.)

You may have to wrestle with it a bit and figure out what new directions God might have for you. No rush. On the other hand, feel free to begin making plans, perhaps to see places and visit people you haven’t had a chance to before. Or see old friends and go to old places.

Good grief recognizes the reality of the loss and understands that you’re not the same person before the cause of grief happened. But it also recognizes, slowly but surely, that life does indeed go on, and needs to, and it can even keep getting better as progress is made. It also realizes the reality of the sad dance of up and down, back-and-forth, two steps forward, one step back, then one step forward, two steps back. “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…A time to cry and a time to laugh…A time to grieve and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4, NLT).

Remember, you are more than your loss. More than your pain. More than your grief. So don’t let grief and pain become your idols. Instead, let them point you to the only One worthy of worship.