Question from a reader:
I’m reading your book Heaven and have a question. Over the last several months, I’ve been getting visits at night from my husband of many years, who has been in Heaven for over ten years. I knew it was him because he would always say a term of endearment for me we called each other, and squeeze my feet as he often did, which would wake me. He would stand at the end of my bed and would never speak after saying that one word, and I could never see his face. I would beg him to talk and tell me why he was allowed to come visit me, and I would share all about what was happening with our family.
Why did God send him to me? Is it possible that he could be an angel? This has caused me great distress. My family were concerned about me, but all the doors and windows in my house were locked, and the doctor gave me an “all clear” after a mental evaluation.
I did finally put a stop to this recently, saying, “If you can’t speak and explain yourself, please stay away. I can’t handle this anymore.” I can’t make any sense of this. Can you please give me your thoughts?
Answer from Stephanie Anderson, EPM Staff:
I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband (that’s so beautiful you enjoyed so many years of life and marriage together!). Randy’s wife Nanci died in early 2022, after a four-year battle with cancer, so he understands how hard it is to miss those we love and to await reunion in Christ’s presence.
It’s hard to totally know what to make of your experience, and my first recommendation would be, if you haven’t already done so, to talk to your pastor or another trusted leader at your church to get wise counsel and pastoral care. I will share with you a few thoughts that came to mind as I read your letter, as well as some things Randy has written.
It’s important to remember that our loved ones who are with Jesus are not ghosts, floating around Earth and seeking contact with us. They are with Jesus, in His dwelling place in Heaven. For the believer, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). There is such deep comfort in thinking of our precious friends and family who have trusted Jesus being safe and at rest in His presence.
Our loved ones also do not become angels when they die. Randy writes, “Angels and human beings are entirely different creatures (Hebrews 2:14). Jesus taught that after our resurrections we will be like angels in that we will not be married (Matthew 22:30). But this was a specific, limited comparison. It wasn’t an indication we'll become angels, or a statement that we will in general be angel-like. Angels will always be angels and humans are eternally human. Death involves relocation to a different place and transformation into better humans (Romans 8:23), not into nonhumans.”
Because your husband is securely in Heaven with Jesus, and because Satan’s henchmen are adept at appearing as helpful spirits (2 Corinthians 11:14), I would be very reticent to seek any further contact with what you believed was your husband’s spirit. Seeking contact with the dead is expressly forbidden in Scripture (Deuteronomy 18:11). (See Randy’s article Can We or Should We Talk to Loved Ones in Heaven? in which he shares his thoughts that with the right perspective, there can be a place for praying to Jesus and asking Him to give our loved ones in Heaven a hug or tell them we miss them, since the focus is on Christ and we aren’t praying/talking to those who’ve died.)
The result of this experience seems to be distress, pain, and sleeplessness, and that doesn’t sound like it is from Jesus, or from one of His angels, who are “ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation” (Hebrews 1:14). You said you have expressed, “Please stay away,” and I think that was wise. I would encourage you to take this to the Lord in prayer and ask for His protection from evil, and for Him to guard your mind and sleep.
Randy writes, “First John 5:18 says, ‘We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them.’ This would seem to imply Christians are safe from absolute control or possession, but not safe from significant influence. So no, a believer cannot be possessed, but he can certainly be oppressed and heavily influenced by a demon.”
But we have such good news in God’s Word: speaking of demons, God tells us, “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). And 2 Thessalonians 3:3 says, “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.” Therefore, we can respond in faith, not fear: “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).
The best thing I can encourage you to do is bathe in His light: through reading/listening to His Word, talking to Him, and fellowshipping with His people. (And by asking for prayer from others, too, for you to experience peaceful sleep at night!) It’s wonderful to hear you’re reading Heaven, and I hope that the solid hope you find in the book gives you great joy and peace: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13).
God bless you, and may you experience a precious closeness to Jesus as you trust Him, and look forward to the Great Reunion with all those who love Him.
