Question from a reader:

I have bipolar disorder. It has destroyed me mentally; it is mental torture with no relief. After a failed suicide attempt, I got different treatment and therapy, which has helped tremendously. But it’s still a battle every day. I know life is tough for many people and people die young every minute, but my question is why would God allow bipolar disorder? Even with medicine, I still battle controlling thoughts and emotions.

Sometimes I get mad at God. Will He judge me when I die for not being better? Is this just part of living in a sinful world? I know diseases affect so many people, but this is so different because it changes your mind.

I hear you say God is sovereign over all. Do you really believe every little thing happens for a reason? I do not see how that can be possible. I am definitely a Christian, but I think it’s good to still ask questions.

Answer from Doreen Button, EPM staff:

Randy gives me the privilege of helping him answer reader questions, which means I also have the privilege of reading your letter and praying for you.

Living with a chronic neurochemical issue successfully is exhausting, as you well know. You asked why God allows this, and it’s an honest question which everyone who’s ever struggled with the effects of Adam’s choice asks. God doesn’t always answer that question. If you read the book of Job (and if you haven’t yet, please do) you’ll see that God’s answer is Himself. He expects, wants, and invites us to come to Him in every situation—both good and “bad”—and to trust that He knows exactly what circumstances we need to face in order to become as like Him as humanly possible.

That sounds like a Sunday School answer, doesn’t it? You live daily with big and small choices that many of us never have to make. You have obviously felt totally overwhelmed, even to the point of wanting to end the pain on your own terms. I (and no doubt many others who love you) am thankful you didn’t succeed. And that you’ve gotten some help with adjusting your treatment protocol.

Please allow me to share a few things that I hope will encourage you to keep fighting “the good fight.”

We are all sinful humans. Our bodies and minds are marred by the consequences of sin. When we repent and choose to follow Jesus instead of our own sinful patterns, He promises His Holy Spirit as our comforter and our guide who uses God’s Word to illuminate our path forward.  You are not your diagnosis. As the late David Powlison said, “Who you are as a person is not implicated by your disorder.” Your “disorder” is not a common one, however disordered thinking is common to every human. Despite how very incredibly difficult making good choices may be at times with your particular brain chemistry, you can still make those good choices. You can choose moment by moment to force your eyes and your thoughts toward Jesus and to meditate on His good Word. Two of my personal favorite “words” are Philippians 4:4-9 which tells us specifically what kinds of things to think about. And Psalm 23 which so beautifully depicts our Good Shepherd leading us through (not just into) the dark valley and out the other end.

Consider reframing your situation as a fight we all face in varying degrees. Perhaps if you can trust Him implicitly to bring into your life only and always those things which will shape you more closely to His image, you will find it worthwhile to keep choosing well.

I don’t know why God has given you this challenge. Nor do I know why He allowed Joni Eareckson to dive in such a way and place that she’d become a quadriplegic in almost constant physical pain. At an early age, she too wanted to end her struggle. But she didn’t, and as a result she has a worldwide ministry to others who must endure a full range of disabilities. After nearly 60 years confined to a wheelchair, she still believes: “God uses what He hates to bring about what He loves.” Watch this short video where she expands on that statement, and witness the joy she exudes despite her relentless pain.

Choosing joy in your situation is not an easy undertaking, but with all my heart I believe it’s worth it.

You might find some of these resources helpful:

• Dr. Charles D. Hodge’s book, Good Mood Bad Mood: Help and Hope for Depression and Bipolar Disorder
• Ed Welch’s booklet, Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Help for Extreme Mood Swings
• Randy’s book If God Is Good or its smaller version The Goodness of God

One final thought: Try replacing “why” with a prayer. “God, I know You’re good, but my struggle doesn’t feel like a good gift from You. Please tell me what I need to know about this battle you’ve given me to fight, and show me what You want me to do because of and with it.” You can also go to the Psalms and pray the laments back to God. Then be still and listen and trust.

God bless you as you travel through this “dark valley” to the banquet on the other side. Remember, your Good Shepherd is beside you, leading and protecting you. You’re never alone.

Photo: Unsplash