Question from a Reader:
I finished and loved your book Heaven. My husband passed unexpectedly, when we were both in our 30s. People keep telling me it's time for me to find someone new since it’s been two years, but I'm not ready. My big fear and question is this: my husband is in Heaven, and I pray I will be reunited with him someday But if I re-marry, who am I reunited with in Heaven? How can someone have two husbands in Heaven?
Answer from Stephanie Anderson, EPM Staff:
I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss. I think when people try to rush your grief, they usually mean well and are just trying to express love and concern, but this reminds me of other insensitive things that people say to those who are grieving. There is no timetable or expiration date on grief, and there is no right or wrong answer about remarriage. It sounds like you have a relationship with the Lord, and He can be trusted to guide you every step of the way. He is your shepherd (Psalm 23). But I do think it’s important for you to know that if the Lord leads you to remarry one day (see 1 Corinthians 7:39), you are not being disloyal to your first husband, nor will you “mess up” your relationship with him in Heaven.
I would encourage you to read this blog by Randy. Though we know that earthly marriage ends at death, we also know we will not stop caring about people who were precious to us on Earth.
Randy writes, “There is continuity from this life to the next. Married people have shared experiences here on the present Earth, and I think we’ll look back on those times like we were soldiers in the trenches together: we had great times and we had hard times. We should expect those relationships with family to be special and continue forever.”
Randy also writes in another Q&A:
“I think we miss something when we say there’s no marriage in Heaven. The Bible does not teach there is no marriage in Heaven. The Bible teaches there is one marriage in Heaven: Christ married to His bride, the Church. I remember when this dawned on me many years ago, and I said to Nanci, ‘Do you know what? According to the Bible we will be part of the same marriage forever. We are both part of the bride of Christ, and we will have as a bridegroom the only absolutely perfect, absolutely good, gracious Spouse in all the history of the universe. We have that to look forward to, and we’ll enjoy that together.’”
That means that if you were to remarry a man who loves Jesus, then one day he too will be part of the same marriage to Christ, and the same family of God in Heaven. It’s hard for us to wrap our minds around how those relationships will all work out, and we don’t know all the details about our life and living situations, but we know that Heaven will be fullness of joy, and we will be completely happy, and with our Savior and with those who love Him too. There won’t be jealousy or awkwardness. “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11, NIV).
If you would like further resources, I recommend the ministry of Clarissa Moll, who writes about grief and shares profound insights after the loss of her husband several years ago (including in her book Beyond the Darkness). You can learn more about her at her website and follow her on Instagram. She is also one of the grief experts highlighted in GriefShare group videos (go to GriefShare.org for information or to find a group near you).
Another book that Randy has recommended is Hope Is the First Dose by Dr. Lee Warren.
Also, in this article Randy shares some thoughts as well as a video interview he did with a fellow widower.
May your heart find rest in the God “who comforts the downcast” (2 Corinthians 7:6), “is close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18), and “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).
Photo: Unsplash
